Clean up your act

What areas of your life cause you or others the most angst?

Write them down.

And then decide, in this moment, which one deserves your complete, undivided attention.

What next?

Well, instead of rushing headlong into fixer mode -- unless it's life or death -- I suggest you sit with the feeling state.

When I say sit, I mean find somewhere very quiet and just sit. Nothing else.

In that place, see if you can just simply listen.

What comes up?

Pain, hurt, regret?

All of them I suspect but don't forget that they're just thoughts. (I know that sounds demeaning of something that is likely very hard to live with but trust me the moment you start to have a different relationship with said thoughts, is the moment your life changes.)

If you've the energy or inclination then keep up the practice of sitting, even if you're still having to deal with the same sh*t in your life.

Once you've sat with the feeling for long enough, you might begin to see and experience the same or a very similar thought-pattern arising, even though the reaction or act is so automatic now that you no longer hear yourself getting outraged etc. You are the outrage. But trust me, however it might look, you are not at the mercy of your external circumstances and however crap the situation, only when you develop a different relationship with your inner voice can you begin to see how you might overcome the issue(s) that's causing most angst.

What next?

You've sat, you've listened, you've observed.

Nothing.

Nothing in the sense of trying to compress or avoid the thoughts. Instead, don't hold the thought or try to create new ones in their place. Of course, you can't will any of this. All you can do is keep up your observational practice and allow the thoughts to come and go without affixing meaning to any of them.

One other thing.

At the same time as you're being kinder on yourself, you might also ask who or what is it that's having these thoughts? Put it another way. What is it that comes before the thoughts?

Silence?

Love?

Not knowing?

But actually, this practice (if I'm being open and honest) is incredibly hard to do by yourself. Ideally, you need someone to help you through all the stages -- and don't forget we're only focusing on one of your issues. Imagine if you tried to apply it to more than two or three.

Don't worry this isn't a secret plug to ask me to work with you but if you're tired of being caught by the same triggers, living through the trauma and infecting everyone around you, then don't be afraid to ask for help.

One final point. What I'm describing is a war. A war against what is; and we lose every single time. Imagine if you could sort out your sh*t once and for all. Not only would you feel and act in a different way but the effect (cumulatively) on the world -- yours and the wider purview -- would be amazing.

Blessings,

Julian

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