What are you waiting for?

I love life.

Again.

I love life.

Sure, it's replete with angst, pain and discord but I wouldn't have it any other way.

My work, if it's about anything, is to convince you that you should and can do anything.

Not to live out of ego but to come alive to True Self.

And that means dealing with your deepest fears, acknowledging your frailty and challenging your worldview.

Of course, if you think it's out there, it will never happen -- i.e. bliss-consciousness. You'll be wrapped so far around your finger of death-dealing fear that you'll give up at the merest whiff of failure.

My mantra:

awaken, to true self.

That simply means to come alive all body, mind and spirit.

In essence, not to give a f*ck what others think and lean into life with everything you've got.

I mean, come on, if someone told you today that this day was all you had, do you seriously think you'd live out of fear and do what you're told or been conditioned to believe is real?

Blessings,

Julian

Your angst is your liberation

I know, it sounds whacky:

"What, you mean I've literally got to go to the edge [and sometimes beyond] to move forward with my life?"

Yes.

You see the thing is, we all have a map of the world. Mostly (if you study the AQAL model of Ken Wilber) it's rooted in one of the four quadrants. I'd hazard a guess, it's in the quadrant devoted to the materialist, i.e. the person who makes sense of their life by trying to order the outside world.

But it never works.

For a start, our reality doesn't work that way -- it's an inside-out job in case you hadn't noticed. Not just that but even the most determined and or deluded person in the world (except Donald Trump of course) can't order their circumstances so that none of their outside-in plates drop out the sky.

Where does that leave you?

In a bad place; namely, you keep going round and round in circles where unless you're able to wake up your state of consciousness towards something more non-dual, you'll continue to play the same internal monologue, i.e. I can't make sense of this world.

You might be one of the lucky few -- the very few -- who wake up to samadhi or True Self but it's unlikely. Of course, you might deliberately decide to place yourself in even more harm's way in the hope of making your angst so bad that you immediately manifest a non-dual state. Trust me, I wouldn't recommend it. In fact, I think it's stupid to try to engineer an even worse fight or flight response. Worse still, it might be fatal!

No, if there's one thing I'd do is accept that the unexamined life is your life's work and by enquiring within you may not wake up to True Self but you might live with more equanimity in a world that's intent on crushing your soul.

Blessings,

Julian

Photo by Joshua Sortino

Is this the life you want?

Right now.

In this moment.

Not tomorrow, nor yesterday.

It's a simple question but it carries with it such import.

Of course, you can parse it up -- e.g. work, social, money, career, family, love -- but what I'm referring to is:

is the life you're living allowing you to be you -- all body, mind and spirit?

If that sounds too much to take on, then simply focus on the physical body.

Are you looking after yourself?

Right food?

Right sleep?

Right exercise?

If not, why not?

Possibly it's because your mind -- your thinking self -- isn't on it.

If that's the case, perhaps you need to undertake (not for the first time) a process of radical self-enquiry, namely, Who am I?.

The thing is, despite what we're told, life is not perfection. It's what is, right now, in this moment. But it pays to follow your instinct just once in a while and go through your fear, not round it, as otherwise you really will find that in a few years time life has passed you by to the point where the effort of change is simply not worth it.

Let me ask you again, is this the life you want?

Blessings,

Julian

Paying attention

In this busy, chaotic world, we're disposed to do as much as possible.

Instead, do one thing at a time...with full attention (all body, mind and spirit).

Do it as if it was life and death.

Extreme?

Not really.

Because, if you think about it, doing one thing with full attention is life.

(If instead, you're racing through things as quickly as possible then you'll likely lose touch with reality but worse still, you'll end up feeling that little of what you've done really mattered.)

Blessings,

Julian

Photo by Isaac Benhesed

Don't look back in anger

Yes, I know it's a rip off of the Oasis song, but it's how so many people live their lives: backwards.

At the risk of stating the bleeding obvious, the past is the past.

It's over.

Done.

Finished.

And in case you want to argue otherwise, whatever you think it is, it isn't now: it's just a memory trace which you fuel by (mostly) an unhealthy addiction to your thoughts.

But, as I keep saying over and over, you are not your thoughts. You might think you are but you're not, no more so than your arm, your leg or your heart -- all essential for survival and which make up our supposed being-ness.

The truth is I don't much care if that's where you live. It's your choice.

What I care about is pointing to reality, i.e. True Self, where you live fully present to this moment, in all that it offers.

You might think it's better here than there (in the past). It's not. It's not anything. It's before thinking; it's before you get lost in your thoughts; it's awareness of no-thing.

Be there, now.

No, don't try and turn off your thinking -- as if you could! -- but drop the notion that you need to get anywhere to be anything and witness all that arises -- thoughts, feelings, emotions.

Better still sit in silence for an hour with your eyes open or shut and say nothing, do nothing and stop wishing for anything in particular.

But you won't I bet because you want something to come of it. You want the Big Prize that everyone else is promising; namely, to be this uber version of yourself.

Trust me, sitting still for an hour per day isn't going to give you that. It's not going to give you anything except perhaps a greater awareness of everything that you're not.

In the end though, all of this -- living in the past etc. -- is a choice. You're either willed to enquire within or you're not, and nothing I say will make any difference. But trust me, one day you'll understand that in living out of your thinking and accepting it as true was the day that life passed you by.

Blessings,

Julian

Too many words

“Enlightenment is ego's ultimate disappointment.” 
― Chögyam Trungpa

I'm sure everyone is well-meaning, but, seriously, I don't need to see any more posts or articles on what I and, presumably, everyone else needs to do differently in 2018 (compared to 2017).

Blah, bloody blah.

The truth is, you don't need to go anywhere, be anything different or manifest another uber 'knock-it-out-the-park' habit.

Why?

Because you're already perfect.

And no, I don't mean in the egoic, look-at-me 😀😃😃😃sense. 

I mean where else do you expect to find happiness et al. other than right where you stand?

Here's the thing: reality depends on you; you don't depend on reality.

If you need or want to change your reality -- e.g. try to think different or better thoughts -- then go right ahead, but you'll fail. And that's why all the posts, supposed aphorisms and even Tweets won't help you one jot.

If you need do anything, then you need to look within and ask yourself the simple but profound question:

"What am I?".

Or put it another way, what is there before (your) thinking?

Trust me, this is hard. In fact, most people give up almost immediately on investigating the question, not only because the question is impossible to answer but it raises all manner of dark clouds, e.g. you don't actually know who you are beyond a bushel of thoughts, or the product of your social conditioning or what, up to now, you've chosen to accept as reality.

In case you think I'm making this up, to make myself look something different from you, I'm not. In fact, up until the age of 43, I honestly thought, based on some dodgy thinking and one or two stupid books ("Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill always comes to mind), that if I could control or at least manage my thinking, life could be lived on my terms.

But then...

I had a nasty whack to the head, and woke up by dint of reading The Heart Sutra (see "Hard Core Zen" by Brad Warner) and "Who am I?" by Ramana Maharshi.

Of course, it would be wonderful to report that 'KERPOW' 💥I found myself a realized being 🙏but I didn't. (Blast. There goes that plan.)

In truth, and as best as I can describe things, all illusions were shattered.

No longer did I see the world as a reflection of my thoughts, feelings and emotions. If I felt anything (and this feeling state persists to this day), it's a sense of unity with what is. That's not to say that I don't get caught up in my egoic ('me' or 'I') thinking but as long I stay open to what is, witness the thoughts, feelings and emotions from a place of presence, I'm not at the mercy of my thought-induced reality.

But, here again, I'm using far too many words!

As I've oft quoted, if there's anything to practice it can be summed up in Osho, Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh's few words:

"Be -- drop becoming".

Try that for size.

Anyhow, I suspect by now you're totally lost. And that's fine. But, seriously, before you read another 'get better, 'do more' or 'big-it-up' post or article, ask yourself the question, "Am I my thoughts?". If you think you are, then perhaps consider why, up to now, you've not been able to flick a switch in a way that negates all the angst in your life driven in no small measure with you arguing with reality, i.e. what is.

Blessings

Julian

Photo by Joshua Earle 

Mindfulness isn't...

A label to add to the other two dozen you've amassed.

Something to sell as a new productivity tool.

A badge of honour.

A way to make people inferior if they don't get 'it'.

A practice that only finds home in one area of your life.

A way to exit from life's travails.

A way to talk and act differently to true self.

A course, retreat or YouTube video.

No, mindfulness is everything.

It's life.

But not the life where you live on the edge between this moment and the one you're chasing.

Mindfulness is now.

This breath -- the in, the out and the rest in between.

It means above all paying attention, fully.

If you need a question to inform your mindfulness practice, try the first koan from the Mondo Zen Training Manual:

"Is it possible to just purely listen? Can you listen without an opinion?"

You can shorten this to one word: listen.

Yes, that's it.

Mindfulness is to listen.

Listen.

Listen.

Listen.

Have a wonderful day.

Blessings,

Julian

Clean up your act

What areas of your life cause you or others the most angst?

Write them down.

And then decide, in this moment, which one deserves your complete, undivided attention.

What next?

Well, instead of rushing headlong into fixer mode -- unless it's life or death -- I suggest you sit with the feeling state.

When I say sit, I mean find somewhere very quiet and just sit. Nothing else.

In that place, see if you can just simply listen.

What comes up?

Pain, hurt, regret?

All of them I suspect but don't forget that they're just thoughts. (I know that sounds demeaning of something that is likely very hard to live with but trust me the moment you start to have a different relationship with said thoughts, is the moment your life changes.)

If you've the energy or inclination then keep up the practice of sitting, even if you're still having to deal with the same sh*t in your life.

Once you've sat with the feeling for long enough, you might begin to see and experience the same or a very similar thought-pattern arising, even though the reaction or act is so automatic now that you no longer hear yourself getting outraged etc. You are the outrage. But trust me, however it might look, you are not at the mercy of your external circumstances and however crap the situation, only when you develop a different relationship with your inner voice can you begin to see how you might overcome the issue(s) that's causing most angst.

What next?

You've sat, you've listened, you've observed.

Nothing.

Nothing in the sense of trying to compress or avoid the thoughts. Instead, don't hold the thought or try to create new ones in their place. Of course, you can't will any of this. All you can do is keep up your observational practice and allow the thoughts to come and go without affixing meaning to any of them.

One other thing.

At the same time as you're being kinder on yourself, you might also ask who or what is it that's having these thoughts? Put it another way. What is it that comes before the thoughts?

Silence?

Love?

Not knowing?

But actually, this practice (if I'm being open and honest) is incredibly hard to do by yourself. Ideally, you need someone to help you through all the stages -- and don't forget we're only focusing on one of your issues. Imagine if you tried to apply it to more than two or three.

Don't worry this isn't a secret plug to ask me to work with you but if you're tired of being caught by the same triggers, living through the trauma and infecting everyone around you, then don't be afraid to ask for help.

One final point. What I'm describing is a war. A war against what is; and we lose every single time. Imagine if you could sort out your sh*t once and for all. Not only would you feel and act in a different way but the effect (cumulatively) on the world -- yours and the wider purview -- would be amazing.

Blessings,

Julian

Note. If you'd like to support my work then I've created a Patreon page. All donations, however small, enable me to continue to write these posts and create my patron-only material.

Don't waste your life on trivial things

No, don't worry, this isn't a 'pull-your-socks-up' post.

It's more fundamental.

Stop wasting your life doing things that don't matter.

Sure, you may feel they do right now -- e.g. climbing the corporate ladder, pleasing everyone and being awesome in every department -- but give it a few years, and you'll realise how much of your life you've squandered doing the wrong sh*t.

Of course, when the passion is running free, it always seems the right thing but it's only when you take stock -- sometimes as a result of a sudden shock -- that you realise the error of your ways.

My advice: don't wait until it's too late.

Remember, it's your life.

Live it on your terms not what others think is best or to be something that you're not.

Blessings,

Julian

Beginner's mind

“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few” 
― Shunryu Suzuki

The first day of a new year.

It's always special.

Endless possibility to start afresh.

No it's not.

It might feel like that but it's no different to yesterday:

“Treat every moment as your last. It is not preparation for something else.” 
― Shunryu Suzuki

I'm sure by now you're sick to death of me banging the drum for this moment, but, seriously, what else is there?

If you do have a plan for 2018, all I'll say is that living is ALWAYS more than enough. Beyond that everything is a gift.

A gift so rich in possibility -- including death -- that we'd be mad to squander it living it forward.

Live.

Fully.

Now.

And open your mind to what this moment has to offer. 

If you do that then you'll realise how much (up to now) you've missed.

Blessings,

Julian

Note: If you want to follow more of my writing and monologues, why don't you create a Patreon account and start following me. Of course, if you'd like to make a small donation in support of my work that too would be greatly appreciated. 

Messed up

What has become of this world?

Or should I say, what have we done to it?

Perhaps it's just part of the evolution of the species.

But it makes me weep.

Of course, there are occasional glimpses of how it might be different but it doesn't take much, particularly with the abundance of bad news, to be back where we started.

I'm sure you can point the finger at many things -- e.g. religion, politics, inequality, hate, greed -- but when you get right down to it, it's a product of our thinking.

Imagine then if that changed to the point where love, kindness and compassion was our raison d'etre. Of course, it's easy to knock such whimsical ideas but I don't think so. I don't think there's anything soft about trying to imagine a very different world.

As much as I'm loathed to say it, change begins with a single step -- not another New Year's resolution.

I'm not going to repeat my own expected journey for 2018 -- I've said more than enough on Twitter and Patreon -- but one thing's for sure, I intend to be much more purposeful about being the change I want to see in the world. In particular, I intend to help as many people as I can, be in service to my family to the very best of my ability, love like I've never loved before and do my tiny bit to save the planet.

What about you?

What will you do differently in 2018 to clean up the mess?

Happy new year.

Blessings and much love,
Julian

What do we really know?

“This is your life and it's ending one moment at a time.” 
― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

You'd think this far in, we'd have it all worked out.

Money.

Love.

Health.

Faith.

Connection.

Work.

Less.

Even less.

But we're way off the mark.

Look around you, what do you see?

Poverty.

An individualistic world.

Greed.

Hate.

Violence.

Bigotry.

Repression.

The death of our planet.

It's no wonder some people decide enough is enough.

I always remember though something Jon Kabat-Zinn said (and I paraphrase):

"The way we look at you [the patient], we always take the view that so long as you're breathing, you've got more going for you than you have wrong with you."

I know, hardly startling but then again, whilst there's life there's hope.

If you've any desire left to make a difference, then now is the time to apply your energy to making your dent. You might volunteer at your local charity, you might change your life or you might start a blog to build your Tribe of new-world zealots.

It doesn't matter what you do as long as you do something.

For me, the worst thing you can do is carry on finger-wagging (mostly from your couch) and expect someone else to pick up the tab for our narcissistic ways. 

Dream on my friend.

Dream on.

This coming year, I've already been moved by another startling revelation -- one that's struck me many times before: if I'm going to make a difference, I need to do much less; and the things I do do, will be suffused with as much of my life force as I can muster. Will I p*ss a few people off? Undoubtedly. But in the end, the more we maintain the status quo the more we're the problem...in so many ways.

Photo by Clemente Ruiz Abenza

Letting the light in

Life.

It's not always easy, but it's a gift.

There's a tendency to want to make something of it -- and that's wonderful -- but only through the prism of doing.

But think about it. Is there anywhere to go? Anything to get? Anything to be?

Isn't this moment -- however it unfolds -- perfect?

No.

Wait.
Sit.
Breathe.

If you're lost in a sea of depression or angst, it will pass.

Remember, life (all of it including the thoughts) is impermanent, as is everything else.

I know, it's not the most favourable message to build a brand around but you'll discover as you age that all that doing isn't worth jack sh*t if you still feel lost to this world.

You might then ask, "If I'm not doing, what will happen?"

Nothing.

Nothing in the sense that you won't be rushing around like a mad fool hoping to climb another invisible mental construct -- Covey's ladder is such nonsense. What you'll be doing is accepting this moment and living it fully. That will mean accepting whatever shows up, being more mindful/attentive to the moment and accepting yourself exactly as you are.

And trust me, you will be willed to do some-thing -- think of it as your invisible power. Whether it will be right thing isn't the issue. You'll be moved in the same way you've always been, but this time you won't be looking to affix meaning to it.

It will be what it is.

Nothing more; nothing less.

Have a wonderful day.

Blessings,

Julian

A mindful day

“People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child—our own two eyes. All is a miracle.” 

― Thich Nhat Hanh, The Miracle of Mindfulness: An Introduction to the Practice of Meditation

It's always crazy busy or at least there's a lot going on, on Christmas day.

If you dare, slow down, enjoy every moment and remember to say a few thank yous and prayers for the people who've made the day possible and those that are no longer here to enjoy the festivities.

I feel blessed that my children -- Evie, Hetty and Floz -- are all with us, and making it special in their own particular way. I know it won't always be like this.

Perhaps it's my age, but I feel the pull to suck up each moment I'm alive and Christmas is no different, not necessarily the consumption (which I find hard to come to terms with) but a deeper connection with true self; namely, the person I was from the very start -- everything and no-thing. 

But today is not the day for me to say anything more than have a wonderful Christmas day. Drink wine, eat and be merry.

Blessings,

Julian