Taking a break

“Creativity takes courage.” 
― Henri Matisse

If you follow me on Twitter you'll have seen me say that I'm scaling back on social media. That means I'll no longer post very much to Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr (I've not been there a while), Instagram or LinkedIn. I'll still be recording monologues on Podbean but probably only once a week -- I've yet to decide on the day but it's likely to be a Monday. If I write anywhere then it will be limited to Patreon.

In terms of blogging, both here and on my main site, I've decided to stop writing a regular post. To be honest, I should have done this years ago. It's not that I haven't enjoyed the practice (and I hope you've gained something by reading it/them) but, the truth is, it's stopped me from writing to be published -- my ultimate aim.

This isn't an easy decision, but there's no longer a link between the need to write online and what I want to do with my life.

I'm sure in this digiital age there will come a time where I'll have to refresh my online presence and strike up the band, but for now, I'm taking things offline in the hope that I can bring to bear my creative energy in a fundamentally different way.

Henceforth my main focus will be:

poetry
writing
calligraphy

I know that in every area I'll have to go back to basics, not only to understand and learn my craft -- if you can call it that -- but in the hope that I actually discover the depths of what moves me to create. Of course, I need not go this wide and could just as easily stick to writing, but I know that's not where my heart speaks loudest. 

If you're wondering why now I've decided to go all the way with my creative endeavours, I think it comes out of the fact that I've given up or been forced to abandon my wish to build a business. You see, when I look back on the last 8 years, I can see that far from building something which looks remotely like a business, all I've succeeded in doing is thrashing about looking for meaning in my work but moving no further than a few different job descriptions and slightly better work environs.

The truth is -- "my truth, folks" -- I've not sold anything that people want to buy. I mean, come on, if it were otherwise I'd have a business to my name, not a series of self-employed gigs.

Am I comfortable making this announcement? 

Not really.

It sucks. But then again, it's far better that I pull the tiny plug now before it causes me and my family any more angst. Sure, I'll have to hunker down again qua employee -- I've been in that role for at least three years anyway -- but it won't matter because outside of work I'll still have the love of my family and their appreciation for the fact that whatever I do it comes from a place of love and service. 

But I think there's something much bigger in play than all this superficial angst:

True Self.

Cal it God, reality, Buddha or Big Mind but all I'm really doing is being birthed each day to do something that speaks to my soul. 

End of.

Or to put it less prosaically, to answer my calling.

Thank you again for all the support you've shown over these years. It's been very important to me.

Take care.

Blessings,

Julian

Go all the way

But we never do.

We hold back.

We hesitate.

We hide.

Why?

Why is it we're not prepared to go all the way and commit to something all body, mind and spirit?

Name it.

Fear.

Shame.

Guilt.

In my case, I know there have been many times I've started something only to give up because I found something else to pursue. Not necessarily more interesting but it showed up, and grabbed my attention. How pathetic is that?

I can't say now that things are different, but perhaps with the passing of time and the fact that I know I've got less of it to waste, I'm more committed than ever to my Art -- whatever that truly means.

What about you?

What do you need to do to turn your life around?

Take care.

Blessings,

Julian

Note: If you're interested I'd love you to jump across to my Patreon page to check out more of my work. 

Is this the life you want?

Right now.

In this moment.

Not tomorrow, nor yesterday.

It's a simple question but it carries with it such import.

Of course, you can parse it up -- e.g. work, social, money, career, family, love -- but what I'm referring to is:

is the life you're living allowing you to be you -- all body, mind and spirit?

If that sounds too much to take on, then simply focus on the physical body.

Are you looking after yourself?

Right food?

Right sleep?

Right exercise?

If not, why not?

Possibly it's because your mind -- your thinking self -- isn't on it.

If that's the case, perhaps you need to undertake (not for the first time) a process of radical self-enquiry, namely, Who am I?.

The thing is, despite what we're told, life is not perfection. It's what is, right now, in this moment. But it pays to follow your instinct just once in a while and go through your fear, not round it, as otherwise you really will find that in a few years time life has passed you by to the point where the effort of change is simply not worth it.

Let me ask you again, is this the life you want?

Blessings,

Julian

Words that define you

I don't mean labels -- e.g. lawyer, doctor, entrepreneur -- rather those that shine a light on True Self:

Compassion
Kindness
Thoughtfulness
Love
Tenderness
Silence
Open-hearted
Warm
Giving

This is never about perfection -- a bit of shadow work never goes amiss -- but instead being the change that you want to see.

More to the point, when someone stands to give your eulogy, how would you like to be remembered? For the things you did, the stuff you owned or the people you touched?

Blessings,

Julian

Photo by Jez Timms

Too many words

“Enlightenment is ego's ultimate disappointment.” 
― Chögyam Trungpa

I'm sure everyone is well-meaning, but, seriously, I don't need to see any more posts or articles on what I and, presumably, everyone else needs to do differently in 2018 (compared to 2017).

Blah, bloody blah.

The truth is, you don't need to go anywhere, be anything different or manifest another uber 'knock-it-out-the-park' habit.

Why?

Because you're already perfect.

And no, I don't mean in the egoic, look-at-me 😀😃😃😃sense. 

I mean where else do you expect to find happiness et al. other than right where you stand?

Here's the thing: reality depends on you; you don't depend on reality.

If you need or want to change your reality -- e.g. try to think different or better thoughts -- then go right ahead, but you'll fail. And that's why all the posts, supposed aphorisms and even Tweets won't help you one jot.

If you need do anything, then you need to look within and ask yourself the simple but profound question:

"What am I?".

Or put it another way, what is there before (your) thinking?

Trust me, this is hard. In fact, most people give up almost immediately on investigating the question, not only because the question is impossible to answer but it raises all manner of dark clouds, e.g. you don't actually know who you are beyond a bushel of thoughts, or the product of your social conditioning or what, up to now, you've chosen to accept as reality.

In case you think I'm making this up, to make myself look something different from you, I'm not. In fact, up until the age of 43, I honestly thought, based on some dodgy thinking and one or two stupid books ("Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill always comes to mind), that if I could control or at least manage my thinking, life could be lived on my terms.

But then...

I had a nasty whack to the head, and woke up by dint of reading The Heart Sutra (see "Hard Core Zen" by Brad Warner) and "Who am I?" by Ramana Maharshi.

Of course, it would be wonderful to report that 'KERPOW' 💥I found myself a realized being 🙏but I didn't. (Blast. There goes that plan.)

In truth, and as best as I can describe things, all illusions were shattered.

No longer did I see the world as a reflection of my thoughts, feelings and emotions. If I felt anything (and this feeling state persists to this day), it's a sense of unity with what is. That's not to say that I don't get caught up in my egoic ('me' or 'I') thinking but as long I stay open to what is, witness the thoughts, feelings and emotions from a place of presence, I'm not at the mercy of my thought-induced reality.

But, here again, I'm using far too many words!

As I've oft quoted, if there's anything to practice it can be summed up in Osho, Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh's few words:

"Be -- drop becoming".

Try that for size.

Anyhow, I suspect by now you're totally lost. And that's fine. But, seriously, before you read another 'get better, 'do more' or 'big-it-up' post or article, ask yourself the question, "Am I my thoughts?". If you think you are, then perhaps consider why, up to now, you've not been able to flick a switch in a way that negates all the angst in your life driven in no small measure with you arguing with reality, i.e. what is.

Blessings

Julian

Photo by Joshua Earle 

Clean up your act

What areas of your life cause you or others the most angst?

Write them down.

And then decide, in this moment, which one deserves your complete, undivided attention.

What next?

Well, instead of rushing headlong into fixer mode -- unless it's life or death -- I suggest you sit with the feeling state.

When I say sit, I mean find somewhere very quiet and just sit. Nothing else.

In that place, see if you can just simply listen.

What comes up?

Pain, hurt, regret?

All of them I suspect but don't forget that they're just thoughts. (I know that sounds demeaning of something that is likely very hard to live with but trust me the moment you start to have a different relationship with said thoughts, is the moment your life changes.)

If you've the energy or inclination then keep up the practice of sitting, even if you're still having to deal with the same sh*t in your life.

Once you've sat with the feeling for long enough, you might begin to see and experience the same or a very similar thought-pattern arising, even though the reaction or act is so automatic now that you no longer hear yourself getting outraged etc. You are the outrage. But trust me, however it might look, you are not at the mercy of your external circumstances and however crap the situation, only when you develop a different relationship with your inner voice can you begin to see how you might overcome the issue(s) that's causing most angst.

What next?

You've sat, you've listened, you've observed.

Nothing.

Nothing in the sense of trying to compress or avoid the thoughts. Instead, don't hold the thought or try to create new ones in their place. Of course, you can't will any of this. All you can do is keep up your observational practice and allow the thoughts to come and go without affixing meaning to any of them.

One other thing.

At the same time as you're being kinder on yourself, you might also ask who or what is it that's having these thoughts? Put it another way. What is it that comes before the thoughts?

Silence?

Love?

Not knowing?

But actually, this practice (if I'm being open and honest) is incredibly hard to do by yourself. Ideally, you need someone to help you through all the stages -- and don't forget we're only focusing on one of your issues. Imagine if you tried to apply it to more than two or three.

Don't worry this isn't a secret plug to ask me to work with you but if you're tired of being caught by the same triggers, living through the trauma and infecting everyone around you, then don't be afraid to ask for help.

One final point. What I'm describing is a war. A war against what is; and we lose every single time. Imagine if you could sort out your sh*t once and for all. Not only would you feel and act in a different way but the effect (cumulatively) on the world -- yours and the wider purview -- would be amazing.

Blessings,

Julian

Note. If you'd like to support my work then I've created a Patreon page. All donations, however small, enable me to continue to write these posts and create my patron-only material.

Don't waste your life on trivial things

No, don't worry, this isn't a 'pull-your-socks-up' post.

It's more fundamental.

Stop wasting your life doing things that don't matter.

Sure, you may feel they do right now -- e.g. climbing the corporate ladder, pleasing everyone and being awesome in every department -- but give it a few years, and you'll realise how much of your life you've squandered doing the wrong sh*t.

Of course, when the passion is running free, it always seems the right thing but it's only when you take stock -- sometimes as a result of a sudden shock -- that you realise the error of your ways.

My advice: don't wait until it's too late.

Remember, it's your life.

Live it on your terms not what others think is best or to be something that you're not.

Blessings,

Julian

What is your practice?

"What you practice is what you are; practice and the goal of practice are identical, cause and effect are one reality." -- John Daido Loori

Work?

Buying stuff?

Love?

Living your angst?

Hate?

Patriotism?

Religion?

Seeking?

Enlightenment?

I could go on but you get the point.

What I'm asking you to consider is: where do you invest the majority of your energy?

In my case, between the ages of 19-43 it was work.

After then...? (I'm 51 this year.)

Mostly, I've been drawn (or sometimes compelled) to let go of everything that's previously defined me.

It's been hard.

Even now, I know that I've got to address a number of shadows that infiltrate my normal state of harmony with what is. Anger is a case in point.

But previously I'd have looked at this demon as something to crush. Now, I want to hold it from a place of not knowing. I know that sounds a pathetic answer to a bloke who's been known to trip out and shout the odds at the smallest thing but actually within that trigger lives the opportunity for enlightenment.

That doesn't mean to say, as churlish as you might think me for even pointing it out, that I'm trying to put myself in the most ticklish position but I do recognise now how Jun Po's line "Your angst is liberation" is something to lean into at not run from as fast as possible.

So, let me ask you again.

What is your practice?

Messed up

What has become of this world?

Or should I say, what have we done to it?

Perhaps it's just part of the evolution of the species.

But it makes me weep.

Of course, there are occasional glimpses of how it might be different but it doesn't take much, particularly with the abundance of bad news, to be back where we started.

I'm sure you can point the finger at many things -- e.g. religion, politics, inequality, hate, greed -- but when you get right down to it, it's a product of our thinking.

Imagine then if that changed to the point where love, kindness and compassion was our raison d'etre. Of course, it's easy to knock such whimsical ideas but I don't think so. I don't think there's anything soft about trying to imagine a very different world.

As much as I'm loathed to say it, change begins with a single step -- not another New Year's resolution.

I'm not going to repeat my own expected journey for 2018 -- I've said more than enough on Twitter and Patreon -- but one thing's for sure, I intend to be much more purposeful about being the change I want to see in the world. In particular, I intend to help as many people as I can, be in service to my family to the very best of my ability, love like I've never loved before and do my tiny bit to save the planet.

What about you?

What will you do differently in 2018 to clean up the mess?

Happy new year.

Blessings and much love,
Julian